I didn’t want to lose who I was because I knew I would regret it later on.
What was one of your first major challenges as a caregiver?
Grieving my relationship is an evolving process. I kept remembering my husband prior to his accident. I kept having to ask myself, “How do I fall in love again?” I almost had to develop a new friendship—a new marriage—with this person who was already in my life.
How did you address that challenge?
We both needed to make adjustments for our marriage to work. When he first returned home, my husband wasn’t ready to be a husband. I had to shift my focus from being his wife to becoming his best friend. My expectations shifted. He started to mention, “I notice you don’t look at me in the same way.” He then realized he had to make the effort to make me fall in love with him again—flowers, cooking, little things to show that he noticed and appreciated me.
What is an unexpected way you found support?
I was in the middle of my PhD program when my husband was injured. I received out-of-the-ordinary treatment from my program because I asked for help. For example, in one of my classes, the professor had a policy that students could not miss a class. The school allowed me to join classes over Skype when I had to be with my husband at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. I did not expect to receive any accommodations from my school program, but I found great support and was able to complete my doctorate.
Resources That Helped Me
The Bob Woodruff Foundation
This Foundation has so many resources with information on TBI. When I was overwhelmed, I turned to the Bob Woodruff Foundation to help me navigate this information and find answers.
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The Arms Forces
The Arms Forces reached out and provided information directly to my husband. I received love and support from them. In the face of an uncertain and unexpected situation, it was so important to have the support of someone checking in on us.
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My Story
In 2009, Roxana's husband Victor’s vehicle was hit by an explosive formed projectile. He sustained a moderate traumatic brain injury (TBI) along with other injuries. During his two and a half year rehabilitation, Roxana and Victor identified gaps in the health care system surrounding the diagnosis and treatment of TBIs. With her research background in health sciences, they worked to shape new military health care policies.
As a Dole Fellow, Roxana is committed to expanding medical research in the military community. Roxana serves as Research Advisor to the Foundation's Campaign for Inclusive Care.
