Have no expectations. None.
How do you find strength in the difficulty of your day-to-day?
My husband is the most obnoxiously happy person you will ever meet. I have a husband whose personality changed for the better, and not the worse, and I’m thankful for that. My husband’s injuries have strengthened our marriage.
How has being a military caregiver changed you?
It’s changed me completely—I don’t even know what I’d be doing if I wasn’t speaking and writing about my husband’s injury. I became a caregiver and started talking about it. It gave me focus. My family took something that could have been catastrophic and devastating and we allowed it to become an opportunity for empowerment, growth, and advocacy.
What advice do you wish you had when you first became a military caregiver?
Have no expectations. None. Everything is different—give yourself time and give yourself space. Grieve hard; grieve what was lost. My husband will never walk our daughter into a pool or teach her to ride a bike. I grieve for myself, even though I didn’t know how special I was before he was injured.
Resources That Helped Me
EOD Warrior Foundation
As my husband was in the bomb squad, our family was eligible for support from the EOD Warrior Foundation. The foundation provided immediate support and a sense of community for us in the initial days following my husband’s injury. The community constantly checks in on you. I met my child’s godparents through this organization.
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Nine Line Foundation
This organization is helping us fundraise for our handicapped accessible home. We’ve met other families that Nine Line Foundation has helped and know that it’s really focused on making sure that we have a secure financial future.
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Semper Fi & America’s Fund
America’s Fund helped us buy a track-chair. The organization also hosts retreats which give me breaks. It just helped us pay for two weeks in a hotel while my husband was recovering from surgery. America’s Fund has also helped out many of our friends.
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USO
I’ve seen what having access to a USO Warrior Family Care Center during recovery can do for people. I enjoyed making expressive art.
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Yellow Ribbon Fund
The Family Caregiver Program focuses specifically on caregivers. When we were at Walter Reed, Yellow Ribbon Fund would host events specifically for caregivers such as spa days and retreats. The program makes sure caregivers have a break.
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Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes
This organization contributed towards the construction of our accessible home. The Coalition helped a friend of mine who traveled to Washington D.C. to do advocacy work and needed to hire a sitter watch her children while she was advocating.
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Boulder Crest Retreat
Boulder Crest Retreat provided my family and me with accessible respite opportunities we could not get anywhere else. The grounds include a walled garden, pond, playground, archery range, and acres of mountain skylines. I could enjoy real relaxation without making any compromises on having features accessible for Aaron in his wheelchair. We have spent wonderful nights out by the fire getting to know other guests, and we had a wonderful Christmas breakfast there provided for us over the holidays when I was too pregnant to travel. Reservations fill up quickly, but a stay there is worth the wait.
My Story
In 2011, as Kat prepared to finish her college degree, her husband of one year, Aaron, was catastrophically injured while attempting to disarm an improvised explosive device (IED) in Kandahar, Afghanistan. The blast would cost him double-above knee amputations, multiple injuries to his hands and arms, a traumatic brain injury (TBI), and a fertility-threatening wound. Kat's life and marriage changed in an instant.
As a Dole Fellow, she is committed to speaking about the unspoken injuries and effects of war, including fertility and intimacy issues.
