By Grace Garoutte-Mohammed, M.A., LPC-IT
2017 Dole Caregiver Fellow, Wisconsin
As caregivers, we often shoulder a profound responsibility that goes far beyond traditional caregiving. Whether we are caring for a spouse, sibling, adult child, or close friend, we sacrifice a lot to care for our loved one. The time we invest in caregiving and other responsibilities makes it difficult to find time to engage in self-care. While our role is crucial in helping our veterans lead dignified and fulfilling lives, caregivers frequently overlook our own well-being, particularly our mental health. We all know the emotional toll of caregiving can be immense. Caregivers may deal with mood swings, aggression, depression, or anxiety in their loved ones, all while managing appointments, medications, and finances. Many of us also have to manage our own grief, anxieties about our veteran’s health, and fears about the future. Over time, the continuous exposure to stress and high demands can lead to caregiver burnout—a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion. According to the 2024 RAND study commissioned by the Elizabeth Dole Foundation, around half of military and veteran caregivers caring for those aged 60 and under felt they had no one else to turn to in their caregiving network, and over half in this group felt that they had no one to call for emotional support. 40 percent of those caring for someone over 60 reported similar feelings of isolation. Further research by RAND demonstrates that many in the military and veteran caregiver community struggle with mental health issues, substance use, and loneliness at a much higher rate than the general population. Data show that 43% of caregivers likely meet the diagnostic criteria for depression, 20% had suicidal thoughts in the past year, 43% engage in hazardous alcohol use.
How to Tell Your Mental Health Needs Attention
Sometimes it’s obvious that our mental health is struggling. We can feel the heaviness of depression, or the crushing weight of anxiety. But sometimes the signs are more subtle.
- Things feel heavier than they should. Things that used to feel manageable suddenly feel too much, and the general routine of your life as a caregiver feels like it’s too much to handle
- Your sleep is irregular. You’re sleeping too much, not enough, or your sleep doesn’t leave you feeling restored the next day
- Your emotions are more reactive than normal. You lose patience easily, or find yourself crying or getting angry more than normal, or those emotions are more intense than normal
- You find yourself zoning out more often
- You find yourself going for those quick dopamine hits like scrolling social media to escape, eating when not hungry, or grabbing an alcoholic beverage
- You feel numb
- Your thoughts about yourself and your situation are consistently negative
- You avoid people, even those you normally find supportive
If you find yourself checking many of these boxes, it’s time to focus on your mental health. Here are some ways you can start to prioritize your mental health.
- Have routines to your day. Many of us go through life not knowing when the next crisis will be, which leaves on constantly on-edge. Having a few routines for the day helps ground us, leaving us with at least a few things we can count on throughout our day or week.
- Move your body. Exercise releases endorphins that can boost your mood and reduce stress. While the recommendation is 30 minutes per day, research shows that even 10 minutes of movement at a time is beneficial.
- Lower your standards/expectations. When everything feels overwhelming, it’s ok to do less, expect less. The perfect caregiver doesn’t exist so don’t stress yourself out trying to be “perfect.”
- When you’re overwhelmed, go through your day making one decision at a time. Focus on the next step instead of overwhelming yourself with everything you need to get done.
- Make time for friends and social connections. The tendency to isolate is strong when our mental health is bad, but isolation and loneliness reinforce our negative mental health and often leads to depression. Send a text, make a quick phone call, or plan to see a friend for coffee.
- Try mindfulness and relaxation practices like progressive muscle relaxation or box breathing. Oftentimes we carry stress in our bodies and these practices will help our bodies relax.
- Find a hobby. We all need ways to have fun and connect to ourselves as something other than the role or caregiver. Whether it’s reading a book, tending a small garden, engaging in a craft, or playing pickleball, finding even small chunks of time to engage in an activity that makes us happy is important.
- Seek professional help. While many of the ideas in this list will help when you incorporate them into your routine on a consistent basis, it’s ok to need help from a therapist, support group, pastor, or peer mentor.
If you struggle to prioritize your own mental health, let this be your encouragement: caring for your own mental health increases both the quality and quantity of care you provide to your veteran, which increases their health and wellbeing. It also makes our lives more fulfilling and feel worth living, which should be reason enough.
If you need more help with your mental health, check out the following resources:
Elizabeth Dole Foundation Caregiver Intake Form: In order to help us determine the resources that would be most helpful to you, we encourage you to fill out the Caregiver Intake Form. A member of our Resource Navigation team will be in touch with you after you have submitted the form to provide support.
Military Veteran Caregiver Network (MVCN): A supportive online community that connects caregivers to peers, resources, and information.
Give an Hour: A national network of volunteer mental health professionals providing free counseling to service members, veterans, and their families.
Cohen Veterans Network: A national network of clinics offering accessible, high-quality mental health care for post-9/11 veterans, service members, and their families.
Centerstone Military Services: Provides mental health and counseling services to military members, veterans, and their families, including trauma-focused care.
