Even if you only take the time to find an online support system, find it and participate. Take time for a bubble bath or read a book or dig in the dirt. Find a moment for YOU.
What are the most significant lessons you have learned from being a caregiver?
The very first thing I learned, and am still learning, is how to say “no” and how to advocate for my family. The second biggest lesson I have learned is that you can NEVER judge anyone on a first impression. You must get to know a person and their story, because you simply don’t know what their day or week or month has been like, what kind of stress or challenges they face, or daily fight they have to just put on their clothes and get out the door.
What do you think is the biggest gap in the support you receive?
Having a supportive and understanding community is essential, and is probably one of the hardest things to find. The inability to live a “normal life” has created so much stress and ultimately, the loss of friendship and support for many caregivers. I cherish every single person still in our lives and that have come in (and stayed in) our lives, supporting and caring for us, unconditionally.
What advice would you offer to other military and veteran caregivers?
“Put the oxygen mask on yourself first,” just like they tell you on a plane. If you don’t take care of you first, you can NOT take care of anyone else for very long
Resources That Helped Me
USO
From our very first moments at Fort Belvoir in 2013, the DC Metro USO has been there for us. Over the past 4 years, our USO has provided Jon and I with a welcoming "home,” food, and much more. Between the initial care, support and comfort and the ongoing support and encouragement we received, we can never thank the DC Metro USO team enough. They truly are part of our family now.
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Operation Homefront
Operation Homefront has become an integral every day part of our lives. When Jon was medically retired, we were facing homelessness, and I had no idea what to do. Without solid income for an undetermined amount of time and no longer having a home in Connecticut, we were forced to consider moving back to my parents’ basement. Luckily, I received an email about the Operation Homefront Villages right before we had to move. They sponsored our rent and utilities, while helping us with our finances over the course of a year. We have participated in several of Operation Homefront’s programs, including Homes on the Homefront and Hearts of Valor, and we could not be more thankful.
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Luke’s Wings
When we first heard of Luke’s Wings, I was skeptical. Who would fly us anywhere for free, let alone fly our kids, too? Well, Luke’s Wings did for our family! This organization is another small, grassroots, nonprofit that has managed to impact our lives in a major way, and become part of our new family. A little over a year into my husband’s rehab at Fort Belvoir, our family was located all over the place—our middle son was graduating basic training with the Air Force in Texas, and we were broke. Luke’s Wings not only made sure Jon and I made it to our son’s graduation, but they flew our youngest son and his baby down, too! Since then, we have been blessed with numerous more happy family reunions courtesy of the Luke’s Wings team—and each visit with our children and grandchildren has meant the absolute world to us. The ability to be with family when you are hurt and damaged, and your life is upside down, makes all the difference in the world, and we can't thank them enough for helping to keep our family together and continuing to lift our spirits!
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The Art League – IMPART
The Art League and their IMPart (Injured Military Personnel + art) program have become a huge part of our lives over the past four years. For me, the classes offered were, and still are, a welcome distraction from my everyday life; I get to create something, socialize with friends and have a moment to myself (invaluable!) while Jon is there with me—safe but occupied. For Jon, the classes have opened a whole new world for him! Not only has he presented with an amazing talent in sculpture (courtesy of his brain injury), but also he has found a new purpose in life—and the Art League supports and encourages him with open, eager arms. Art, quite literally, has saved Jon's life, and the Art League keeps on supporting and saving him.
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Southern Maryland Vacations for Vets
From the very first moment we signed up for a Southern Maryland Vacations for Vets weekend, we have been part of its family. Without ever having met us, its leaders not only welcomed us for a weekend retreat but welcomed our children and threw our grandson his second birthday party, too! Connie and her team of amazing volunteers have also become family for us. They not only host us for weekend retreats every summer, but they invite us back for a holiday retreat—complete with gifts for everyone! In addition to their awesome retreats, they reached out and supported us when we were without income for almost five months. We couldn’t love them more!
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My Story
Melissa began her journey as a military caregiver when her husband, Jon, was injured in Afghanistan. When Jon arrived in Virginia for treatment, he was worse than anyone expected, including Melissa. He suffered from worsening confusion, narcolepsy, absence seizures, as well as impaired vision, memory and balance, and was eventually diagnosed with a moderate traumatic brain injury (TBI). Melissa quickly realized their lives were forever changed. Through great medical care, hard work, and encouragement from fellow caregivers and veterans, they have found a new normal and a wonderful community!
As a Dole Caregiver Fellow, Melissa hopes to bring more awareness to the challenges faced by wounded, ill, and injured service members and veterans, as well as their caregivers and families. Her primary goal is to help military caregivers through advocacy and support, raising awareness on the struggles families face.
